Are you and your partner beginning to dread bedtime because you’re not sure when your baby will fall asleep and STAY asleep? Your baby could very well be experiencing false starts, which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for us as parents. Let’s take a closer look at what they are as well as some potential causes. To shift this pattern, we want to first get to the root of why the false starts are happening.
First – What are False Starts?⠀
Your baby falls asleep for the night fine after your typical bedtime routine but then starts waking up shortly after. False starts happen when there is a build-up of cortisol, making it difficult for your baby to resettle between sleep cycles.
Where Should I Start to Help Our Bedtimes Go Smoother?
Here are a couple of quick questions to ask yourself if you think that your baby may be experiencing false starts:
- Are they showing any signs of discomfort when waking?
- Are they able to burp after the last feed before bed? Sometimes trapped air, constipation, or food sensitivities can be a cause of wakings in the early evening in young babies.
- What does your current routine look like? This is commonly an easy solution when working on false starts. Sometimes making small changes can make a big difference! Look at the big picture – Is your baby overtired? Not enough sleep pressure built up? Is your baby’s bedtime too early or too late? Are they getting to a point where a nap transition is needed? Are they in need of more or less sensory input throughout the day?
- How have feedings been going, and could they be going through a growth spurt? Set up a comfortable space with everything you need for evening feedings so resentment doesn’t start to build.
- Have you ruled out medical reasons for frequent wakings? You will want to consider this especially if your baby is waking frequently through the night in addition to false starts.
Have You Set up a Bedtime Routine?
Developing a bedtime routine (not a strict schedule!) can help your baby feel supported to sleep and signal to them that it is time for bed. You will want to keep your bedtime routine relatively short – under 30 minutes is a good place to start.
You may also want to start including your partner or support person in your baby’s bedtime routine. This can help ease some of the load off of you, while also helping your baby get used to spending time with your partner.
Your bedtime routine may include:
- A warm bath (not required – some babies find that baths are stimulating)
- A gentle massage & fresh diaper
- Pajamas & sleep sack
- A song and/or book
- Breastfeeding or bottle
- Cuddle
For older babies who are regularly taking 3 meals of solids each day, you could also try adding in a small bedtime snack in addition to the breastmilk or formula they are taking in.
Reminder: You are not spoiling your baby or ruining your baby’s sleep by meeting your baby’s needs. It is normal for your baby to want to be nursed, rocked, bounced, and/or cuddled to sleep. Many breastfeeding parents are made to feel like they are causing sleep problems if they breastfeed their baby to sleep, but this just isn’t the case. Here is an article I have written about breastfeeding to sleep.⠀
The most important thing I work on with families is to help them figure out what works well for the parents AND their baby so that everyone can get the sleep they need without having to resort to sleep training techniques that often go against the parent’s instincts. As an IBCLC & Sleep Specialist, I know how important it is to develop a strong attachment with your baby.
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Hi! My almost 5 month old has had false starts for nap and bedtime since birth. It’s exhausting! He also wakes multiple times throughout afternoon nap and during the night.
You’re the first I’ve read that says nursing/rocking to sleep is not one of the culprits. Thank you for that! I watch wake windows and tired cues and have a routine. I am just at a loss.
He did have a tongue/lip tie release 3 weeks ago, but I have not seen a difference in sleep. Do you think it needs more time and it’ll improve? Or do I need to do something different?
Hi Angela, thanks so much for your message. With sleep, there can be so many factors at play. It can be really helpful to have someone complete a full assessment with you. I would be happy to help if you’d like to book a discovery call with me. You can find my availability up top when you click on “book now”. Thanks!
I loved this and was looking for the follow up article that you mention in breastfeeding for sleep. Could you please share the link?
Hi Ally, thanks so much for your comment! Honestly, I haven’t written the article yet. Thanks so much for the reminder as I know how much info there is in internet land telling us how bad it is to breastfeed to sleep. Ugh!
I am also very interested in a post on nursing to sleep! My baby is 7 months old and has always been a “tough” sleeper. She still only catnaps all day and wakes several times at night. I thought nursing to sleep was the problem so I weaned her off of that about 2 months ago. I got to the point where she could lay in her bassinet awake with pacifier and fall asleep on her own with only my hand on her chest. This didn’t help the frequent wakings and short naps though. About two weeks ago she started teething and absolutely refused the pacifier and only wanted to nurse to sleep again. She’s waking even more frequently at night now that we’ve been forced to cosleep just to get some kind of rest. I feel like I failed because all I’m reading about is how bad it is to nurse to sleep and cosleeping is the worst thing ever and that’s likely the culprit for the frequent wakings and short naps! I just don’t know what to think anymore. It’s like I’m not doing anything right.
Oh Mama! You’re doing everything right. I’m not the mama nurse but your post could have been mine! My baby also wakes a lot in the night and is refusing the pacifier now that he’s teething. It’s such hard work and so exhausting. I’m also having to cosleep in the early mornings.
I’m there with ya on all this. Just keep doing what you’re doing.